Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
