I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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