There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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