My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
