i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
