I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
