Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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