where am i from again
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
