a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
