You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
