Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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