There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
