So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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