We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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