Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
