I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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