im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.