this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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