Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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