): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there