It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
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The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
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Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
