Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
