I wannas sexs uuuuu
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
