I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
