Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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