was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
