Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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