She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I DEMAND FORESKIN
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
