operation harelip BJ is a go
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
