Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
