i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
