i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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