You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
