the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
