I must be too annoying 4 u.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize