she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
