News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
