You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
