Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
are you so shy because you have an std?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
