Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
