A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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