But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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