I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
