god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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