Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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