You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
