I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
