She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
