I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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