i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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