i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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