it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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