did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
