i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
