i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
