Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
