just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
