your room smells of hookers.
And success
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
