Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
