and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
