wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
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