I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
