I just cut my nipple shaving
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
