I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
now i know why i became what i already was.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
