So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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