Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
