Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
