Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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