i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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