When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
