Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
