I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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